only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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