he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
