You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
