can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize