Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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