Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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