The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
