i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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