that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
