he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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