DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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