it hurts more in the daytime
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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