I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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