Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
