Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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