So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
