There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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