Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
