I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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