Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
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