i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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