All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
