dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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