im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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