I wish I could teleport
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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