What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
