...so i touched it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
