3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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