I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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