when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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