Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
