The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My feet surprised me
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