Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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