So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
