Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
