I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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