I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
