So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
