clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
