i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize