I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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