Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
