I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
