how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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