WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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