I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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