God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
