Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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