I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
