I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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