I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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