So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it because I queefed?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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