i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
