i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
