I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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