I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
