I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
