so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
