ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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