I'm going to jail i love you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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