alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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