we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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