No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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