You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
