So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize