My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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