You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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