i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
