To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
