he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize