why didn't you poke me back
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
