Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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