five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
