I just threw up on my dentist
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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